Mastering Lasting Change: Understanding and Shaping the Systems Behind Our Behaviours

Despite best intentions, most individuals fail to make substantial, long-term changes—with only 20-30% succeeding in achieving their personal goals—while the rest struggle and often give up.

The real change stems from understanding the emotional systems guiding actions—thoughts, behaviours, and the surrounding environment.

Often, people attempt to force new behaviours without comprehending the systems that control them. Instead of addressing these underlying mechanisms, reliance is placed on willpower and quick fixes, hoping for a different outcome.

This approach is likened to adjusting the position of an antenna for better TV reception—it may work temporarily, but it is hardly a reliable solution.

1. Recognise the systems that govern behaviour

Change is not about mere determination but about understanding the mental systems at play.

From a young age, minds develop rules based on experiences, shaping how individuals think, feel, and act. These rules become ingrained patterns that drive behaviour automatically.

For example, if someone grew up in an environment where discussing money was taboo, they might have internalised a rule associating money with shame. As an adult, this belief can manifest as avoidance, making it difficult to manage finances effectively.

Most people try to change without understanding what is really driving their actions. They end up battling against deeply embedded patterns instead of working with them.

To make lasting changes, it is essential to first understand these mental systems.

Begin by examining the thoughts and beliefs underpinning habits. Consider: What core rules have been internalised, and how do they shape responses? This introspective step is crucial because it shifts the focus from superficial adjustments to addressing the root causes of behaviour.

2. Change the environment, not just actions

A common mistake is attempting to change within the same environment that created existing habits.

The surroundings—whether physical spaces or social circles—have a profound influence on behaviours. For instance, if the goal is to quit smoking but time is still spent with friends who smoke, the environment is actively working against that goal.

Minds acclimatise to conditions. To change habits, it is necessary to alter the context in which they occur. 

This doesn't mean upending life entirely, but small changes to the environment can make a significant difference. If the goal is to eat healthier, start by removing unhealthy snacks from the home.

If the aim is to get fit, consider joining a gym or exercise group rather than relying on the same old routine. By creating conditions that align with the desired outcome, friction is reduced, and chances of success are increased.

3. Commit to incremental changes and leverage support systems

Many people set ambitious goals and then feel overwhelmed when they don't see immediate results.

True, lasting change is a gradual process, often requiring six months to a year before substantial progress becomes evident. It's easy to lose motivation during this time, but persistence and patience are key.

People give up too quickly because they expect rapid results. The secret is to commit to small, incremental changes and build a strong support network around oneself.

Focus on changing one habit at a time. It might take longer, but it is far more effective than attempting an all-at-once approach, which often leads to burnout. Additionally, one should surround oneself with people who have successfully made the changes one aspires to achieve.

Seek guidance from mentors who can provide practical advice based on their own experiences rather than relying solely on friends or family who may not understand the challenges involved.

Rethink the approach to change

The path to lasting change isn't about trying harder or relying on sheer willpower. It is about understanding the systems that shape behaviours and making strategic adjustments to the environment and mindset.

By recognising the rules internalised, altering conditions, and committing to gradual progress with the right support, the cycle of failed attempts can finally be broken and goals achieved.

Everything you do is because your mind is set up to do it. If you want different results, you need to change the structure that allows those results to happen.