To the women of New Zealand

Helen Clark, icon, legend, heroine..

These are some of the characteristics listed in that outstanding documentary, ‘My year with Helen’, where Helen claims that women need more self-belief.

Which caught my attention and led me to ask a question.

Why the profanity aren’t we there yet? 

I’ve got some ideas. The first one is that we chase it too hard. Self-belief is a slippery little sucker. It’s elusive. One minute it’s there, then you turn away and it’s disappeared.

Secondly, too often we look to others for affirmation. In this situation our self-belief stands and falls on the reactions and responses of others. And I promise, you can’t catch self-belief from others.

And thirdly. We spend too much time in our heads trying to work it out. Sure, we need to think about stuff and develop self-understanding, but… …I’ll join the dots in a moment.

The quest for self- belief

For many of us the quest for self-belief is elusive. It leads to self-doubt. Even self-loathing for some of us. It becomes a barrier to achieving those big aspirational goals.

My big aspirational goal is for all woman to have total self-belief in themselves. Enduring, authentic, joyful. And while we’re at it, to teach our little ones so they’re ‘on to it from the get-go’.

So, what do I know about self-belief? For many years I pursued it, thinking that if enough people believed in me and my cause, I would catch it. How wrong I was wrong. 

Self-belief is all about behaviour. This may not sound like a blinding insight, but it was my eureka moment.

Behaviours is tangible

Behaviour is there in front of us. It can be observed. It provides us with instant feedback.

When we view the development of self-belief in this way, we can change the negative views we hold of ourselves. We can act on our instincts, trust our decision making and become unshakeable. We can live and breathe a can-do mentality. 

And we can ditch the behaviours that have been our default for so long. The ones that cause us to feel unworthy, that erode our confidence, and immobilise us.

My self-belief

I don’t have a problem with self-belief anymore. I don’t say this with arrogance and I’m not suggesting that I’m better than anyone else.

The reason is I’ve spent a lot of time working it out. It’s involved me examining everything that has been an obstacle, transforming the view I had of myself and, yes, changing my behaviour.

Self-belief has a genius to it. If treated with respect, if it is nurtured, its potency will grow.

Working with other women to build their self-belief is my passion and I would love the opportunity to help grow yours.